Kitchen Man

My Ode to Gordon "Fuck Me" Ramsay


Madam Buffs
Was quite deluxe;
Servants by the score,
Footmans at each door,
Butlers and maids galore!


But one day Dan,
an'Her kitchen man,
Gave in his notice, he's through!
She cried, "Oh Dan don't go,
It'll grieve me if you do".


I love his cabbage,
crave his hash,
Daffy about his succertash,
I can't do without my kitchen man!
Wild about his turnip top,
Like the way he warms my chop,
I can't do without my kitchen man!


Anybody else could leave
And I would only laugh,
But he means that much to me,
And you ain't heard the half!
Oh, his jelly roll is so nice and hot,
Never fails to test the spot,
I can't do without my kitchen man!
His frankfurters are oh so sweet,
How I like his sausage meat,
I can't do without my kitchen man!


Oh, how that boy can open clams,
No-one else can catch my hams,
I can't do without my kitchen man!
When I eat his doughnut,
All I leave is the hole!
Any time he wants to,
Why, he can use my sugar bowl!
Oh, his baloney's worth a try,
Never fails to satisfy,
I can't do without my kitchen man!

-recorded 1929 by Bessie Smith

Red envelope without a pink slip

At my job yesterday we had a Lunar New Year celebration with all Asian ethnicities represented. Pretty cool event: fashion show, Japanese drum performance, a martial arts demo, and some ribbon & dragon dancing. Even some "chinese" food (egg rolls, crab puffs, almond cookies.) We were even handed out the traditional red envelope with a candy in it.


First thing I thought of was, "Jesus, I hope that red envelope comes without a pink slip." Layoffs have been going on throughout 2008 and the first swipe of this year has yet to occur. Which brings me to some points of ponderance.


Sure, I'd hurt financially if I lost my job, but would I be worse off? It's not like I don't have anywhere to go or have a car payment. I would have to fulfill the remainder of my lease agreement and/or get some 7-11 jobs to supplement my modest lifestyle. But would I really be worse off? Really? I'm thinking no. I'd be hurting, sure, but worse? Not so sure.


I really want to have another job. I've been at this place for 5 years in March. The pay is adequate, now that I had to self-repo my car, and the benefits don't exactly suck. But the job. The job. The job is so fucking beneath me and my abilities. But should I care? Should I really let this job get to me as much as it does? I'm an admin so obviously I'm the lowest paid person in my department. Plus I do the work of two people while others get to play and covort on the internet when they're caught up. I'm an organizing dynamo and I don't fuck around (much) but I've never been caught up in 5 years. I hate that.


My boss is one of the dumbest people I've ever known. Totally checked out. If you go to her with something other than what she can do at her computer, she blanks out and her eyes glaze over. Supervisory duties? Uh, no thank you. Personnel issues? Uh, can't y'all work it out yourselves? Granted, she's not supposed to be a babysitter, nor do we want her to be. We just would appreciate it if she showed up for work instead of just being here. Otherwise, just retire already. And she's an idiot when it comes to technology. God help her if she ever had to text anyone in the future.


Sigh.........obviously it could be worse for me. It has been worse for me. I realize I'm whining about a job that others would love to have, just to be employed. That's not lost on me. My main point of ponderance is that I don't belong here. I belong somewhere that has my heart. Someplace that I look forward to going...someplace that doesn't make me have anxiety attacks in the morning. Someplace where I belong.


I keep looking toward job ops in the travel industry but those jobs are becoming more and more obsolete. And I ain't getting any younger. Why is it that I'm 42 and still don't know what to do with my life??? I am so fucking jealous of people who are doing what they've wanted to do since they were kids. Fuck Them. Oh yeah, sure, they're happy and they're fulfilled and all that shit. I just want to be one of them, dammit. Why can't I find my niche???


Okay...the whining has stopped. Time to consult with a career counselor and/or a school counselor at the local college. I've got to get the fuck out of here, people. I mean, really. The writing is on the wall that my time here is limited, and I feel that it won't be my choice of leaving if I wait too terribly long.


Wish me luck! I'll put it in my red envelope.

My Lucky Bamboo

I have a lucky bamboo on my desk in my office that was given to me in April 2007 for Administrative Professional's Day and it's considerably larger than the one in the photo. I have a question: If my bamboo's so damn lucky, why am I still here at this crappy job?

Oh, yeah...it's lucky cuz I *DO* have a job. It's all about perspective, I suppose.

I could be one of those people in Chicago at the Republic Windows & Doors plant who were all sacked after 72 hours of the business failing. I think that's so awesome they staged a sit-in and I respect the hell out of them for "standing up" for their rights and for all the hard work they did for the company. To think they stood guard over all the product they had stored in the warehouse. Balls-o-steel, I tell ya. Now that Bank of America & JP Morgan Chase helped them out with the necessary funds for their outstanding wages and benefits, their lives can go back to "normal," while others in other companies are still out of jobs.

Republic must have some ginormous lucky bamboo tree out in their parking lot.